Technically Speaking

Happy end of the semester everybody!  This is a blog I wanted to use as somewhat of a conclusion to the school year and with that I understand that a lot of you may not have the time to respond and that is alright!  I encourage everybody to at least watch the video at the end of the blog!  

In a world where technology is consistently becoming more available and advanced, it is important for parents to set guidelines for their children when it comes to social media use.  Technology is awesome and it is amazing how much we can do and sometimes it is hard to think what life would be without it.  We use it to connect, to inform, to remember, to forget and for just about everything else.  I do not remember the last time I needed to print out directions, instructions, recipes or anything else of that nature.  Virtually everything is at our fingertips and it makes most things quite easy.  I almost can’t remember what life was like without my phone or my computer.  I feel like I “need” my phone for everything.  I can use it to talk to my friends, coworkers, parents and family.  I can use it to look up my schedule, watch my favorite television show, pay for my Starbucks drink or get a live stream of the Vikings losing. 

I work at a restaurant and I cannot count the amount of times that I have brought food out to a family and the children were too busy on their I-Pad to acknowledge that someone was serving them, bringing them their food and doing THEM a favor. I believe it is important for children to know that real conversations ALWAYS come before the ones we have through social media or by texting on our phones.  I previously worked at a summer camp for several years and we set aside one day a week in which children could have their cell phones, unless it was for an emergency in which they could use it sooner.

1. When it comes to technology and parent child relationships, what are a few guidelines that are important when it comes to electronics use?

2. Something to think about with all of the different gadgets that are available, when is the right age for a child to have their own phone, computer, or other technical device?   

Custodial Grandparents

Hey everybody,

In class we reviewed some of the different types of grandparents, and have discussed what our personal relationships with our grandparents are like. I would like to take a moment to talk about custodial grandparents, and how custodial grandparents act as a buffer from the system when their adult children are unable to raise their own children.

Here is a link to a video about two custodial grandparents: Agnes Flores and Jimmy Mills who are raising several of their grandchildren themselves, both families being below the federal poverty level. 

 Grandfamilies: When Grandparents Raise Grandchildren - YouTube

What are your initial reactions to this video? I'm curious to know if anyone has any personal experience with having a custodial grandparent and can share how this unique family structure has affected you personally or your family, or if you have observed this type of family in the lives of others you know. 

What do you think the main reasons for custodial grand parenting are? Do you think these grandparents feel grateful for having the opportunity to help their grandchildren who are caught in the middle of difficult circumstances, or do you think they feel like they have taken on more burden and responsibility than they anticipated having at their old age? Is there anything you believe the government, community, neighborhood, or schools should do in order to support these custodial grandparents? 

Would love your thoughts!

What will you do with your parents?

In class we have been talking about the adult-adult relationships within a family and sandwich generations. The life expectancy of humans continue to increase as technology is created to prolong everyone's health.   When our parents become a part of the older generation and we enter adulthood, what will we do with our parents as their health begins to deteriorate? 

Many cultures make the decision to have their parents live with them as they become unable to take care of themselves. My grandfather lived with my aunt and uncle until he passed away. He was a very big part of my cousin's lives and acted as another primary caregiver. My grandparents on my dad's side, up until a few years ago, lived in a townhouse by themselves. My aunt and uncle recently moved in with them because of their own financial reasons. If it weren't for that my grandparents would have continued to live by themselves. In my opinion, the return of my aunt and uncle living with them is less of them trying to take care of my grandparents but more of my grandparents taking care of them.

Traditional Cambodian households have their parents move in with their daughters. I'm an only child, so the task of taking in my parents would automatically go to me. My dad is Caucasian and my mom is Cambodian. My dad believes that they will live in a house or care facility that is close to me. My mom on the other hand, refuses to be put in a nursing home. She would rather kill herself than be forced to live in a nursing home. I personally would be more than okay to have my parents live with me when they need it. It would allow them to spend ample amount of time with their grandchildren and it would be the most cost effective. I would love to be able to afford to live in a house with a big enough yard to build my parents a living space that is not connected to the main house. This would allow all of us to keep some semblance of privacy as well as have them close enough if anything happened to them.

What will you do to help your parents when they are no longer able to fully care for themselves? What cultural aspects influence your decision? What would your ideal living situation look like for you and your parents?

Grandparent-Grandchild Relationships

Just as we have parents, we have grandparents. Most of us have four (two grandmothers, two grandfathers) but the number and genders can vary. Particularly variable is our relationship with our grandparents. Factors like geographic distance can affect our connections. Our own parents' relationships with their parent(s) can definitely affect how much and in ways we see and understand our grandparents.

In the lecture slide set from last week, grandparents are identified to offer a variety of supports and resources for grandchildren. And their relationships run along a continuum from remote to companionate to custodial. Increasingly in our US society grandparents raise their grandchildren - for a period of time, for the duration of the child's life, through living in extended family households (such as the teenage mother and her child who live with her parents). For many children, grandparents are also 'cultural conservators,' maintaining the norms, customs and values of our heritages. 

Please share a bit about your own relationships with your grandparents. All of them (depending how many) or maybe a single grandparent who was/is meaningful to you. How would you describe your relationship? What does the grandparent do for you and support your development?

This is my characterization of one of my grandparents. My grandfather (Earle "Grandpa" Powers, 1898-1984) was my mother's father. He and my grandmother lived in Ohio while my family lived in Illinois. That meant that contacts were occasional (Christmas and summer) but consistent while I was growing up. And in my adulthood I put effort into visiting them. I only knew my grandfather in his retirement so he was a symbol of adulthood who pursued hobbies rather than the demands of work. He sang, went to the Masons, smoked cigars, painted, read and traveled. I loved knowing an adult who had so many interests. He gave me someone to love being with and look forward to visiting when the majority of adults in my childhood were those I had to be responsible to. In turn I wasn't someone he needed to be responsible for (his active parenting focused on my mother and uncle). He also gave me history to my mother's side of the family; a dimension of her that as a child I didn't understand or tangibly see.

So, my relationship with my grandfather on our continuum was companionate. And he gave me a role model, a sense of connection to the past and a wider, larger sense of 'family,' and the emotional support of someone I felt comfortable with and someone else who had value for me.

What are your connections to grandparents?