Technically Speaking

Happy end of the semester everybody!  This is a blog I wanted to use as somewhat of a conclusion to the school year and with that I understand that a lot of you may not have the time to respond and that is alright!  I encourage everybody to at least watch the video at the end of the blog!  

In a world where technology is consistently becoming more available and advanced, it is important for parents to set guidelines for their children when it comes to social media use.  Technology is awesome and it is amazing how much we can do and sometimes it is hard to think what life would be without it.  We use it to connect, to inform, to remember, to forget and for just about everything else.  I do not remember the last time I needed to print out directions, instructions, recipes or anything else of that nature.  Virtually everything is at our fingertips and it makes most things quite easy.  I almost can’t remember what life was like without my phone or my computer.  I feel like I “need” my phone for everything.  I can use it to talk to my friends, coworkers, parents and family.  I can use it to look up my schedule, watch my favorite television show, pay for my Starbucks drink or get a live stream of the Vikings losing. 

I work at a restaurant and I cannot count the amount of times that I have brought food out to a family and the children were too busy on their I-Pad to acknowledge that someone was serving them, bringing them their food and doing THEM a favor. I believe it is important for children to know that real conversations ALWAYS come before the ones we have through social media or by texting on our phones.  I previously worked at a summer camp for several years and we set aside one day a week in which children could have their cell phones, unless it was for an emergency in which they could use it sooner.

1. When it comes to technology and parent child relationships, what are a few guidelines that are important when it comes to electronics use?

2. Something to think about with all of the different gadgets that are available, when is the right age for a child to have their own phone, computer, or other technical device?   

Custodial Grandparents

Hey everybody,

In class we reviewed some of the different types of grandparents, and have discussed what our personal relationships with our grandparents are like. I would like to take a moment to talk about custodial grandparents, and how custodial grandparents act as a buffer from the system when their adult children are unable to raise their own children.

Here is a link to a video about two custodial grandparents: Agnes Flores and Jimmy Mills who are raising several of their grandchildren themselves, both families being below the federal poverty level. 

 Grandfamilies: When Grandparents Raise Grandchildren - YouTube

What are your initial reactions to this video? I'm curious to know if anyone has any personal experience with having a custodial grandparent and can share how this unique family structure has affected you personally or your family, or if you have observed this type of family in the lives of others you know. 

What do you think the main reasons for custodial grand parenting are? Do you think these grandparents feel grateful for having the opportunity to help their grandchildren who are caught in the middle of difficult circumstances, or do you think they feel like they have taken on more burden and responsibility than they anticipated having at their old age? Is there anything you believe the government, community, neighborhood, or schools should do in order to support these custodial grandparents? 

Would love your thoughts!

What will you do with your parents?

In class we have been talking about the adult-adult relationships within a family and sandwich generations. The life expectancy of humans continue to increase as technology is created to prolong everyone's health.   When our parents become a part of the older generation and we enter adulthood, what will we do with our parents as their health begins to deteriorate? 

Many cultures make the decision to have their parents live with them as they become unable to take care of themselves. My grandfather lived with my aunt and uncle until he passed away. He was a very big part of my cousin's lives and acted as another primary caregiver. My grandparents on my dad's side, up until a few years ago, lived in a townhouse by themselves. My aunt and uncle recently moved in with them because of their own financial reasons. If it weren't for that my grandparents would have continued to live by themselves. In my opinion, the return of my aunt and uncle living with them is less of them trying to take care of my grandparents but more of my grandparents taking care of them.

Traditional Cambodian households have their parents move in with their daughters. I'm an only child, so the task of taking in my parents would automatically go to me. My dad is Caucasian and my mom is Cambodian. My dad believes that they will live in a house or care facility that is close to me. My mom on the other hand, refuses to be put in a nursing home. She would rather kill herself than be forced to live in a nursing home. I personally would be more than okay to have my parents live with me when they need it. It would allow them to spend ample amount of time with their grandchildren and it would be the most cost effective. I would love to be able to afford to live in a house with a big enough yard to build my parents a living space that is not connected to the main house. This would allow all of us to keep some semblance of privacy as well as have them close enough if anything happened to them.

What will you do to help your parents when they are no longer able to fully care for themselves? What cultural aspects influence your decision? What would your ideal living situation look like for you and your parents?

Grandparent-Grandchild Relationships

Just as we have parents, we have grandparents. Most of us have four (two grandmothers, two grandfathers) but the number and genders can vary. Particularly variable is our relationship with our grandparents. Factors like geographic distance can affect our connections. Our own parents' relationships with their parent(s) can definitely affect how much and in ways we see and understand our grandparents.

In the lecture slide set from last week, grandparents are identified to offer a variety of supports and resources for grandchildren. And their relationships run along a continuum from remote to companionate to custodial. Increasingly in our US society grandparents raise their grandchildren - for a period of time, for the duration of the child's life, through living in extended family households (such as the teenage mother and her child who live with her parents). For many children, grandparents are also 'cultural conservators,' maintaining the norms, customs and values of our heritages. 

Please share a bit about your own relationships with your grandparents. All of them (depending how many) or maybe a single grandparent who was/is meaningful to you. How would you describe your relationship? What does the grandparent do for you and support your development?

This is my characterization of one of my grandparents. My grandfather (Earle "Grandpa" Powers, 1898-1984) was my mother's father. He and my grandmother lived in Ohio while my family lived in Illinois. That meant that contacts were occasional (Christmas and summer) but consistent while I was growing up. And in my adulthood I put effort into visiting them. I only knew my grandfather in his retirement so he was a symbol of adulthood who pursued hobbies rather than the demands of work. He sang, went to the Masons, smoked cigars, painted, read and traveled. I loved knowing an adult who had so many interests. He gave me someone to love being with and look forward to visiting when the majority of adults in my childhood were those I had to be responsible to. In turn I wasn't someone he needed to be responsible for (his active parenting focused on my mother and uncle). He also gave me history to my mother's side of the family; a dimension of her that as a child I didn't understand or tangibly see.

So, my relationship with my grandfather on our continuum was companionate. And he gave me a role model, a sense of connection to the past and a wider, larger sense of 'family,' and the emotional support of someone I felt comfortable with and someone else who had value for me.

What are your connections to grandparents?

The "Sandwich Generation"

One topic that we started to touch on in class is the concept of the "sandwich generation", which refers to parents who are sandwiched between trying to raise their own children, while also caring for their elderly parents.  Many of these caregivers feel a constant struggle between being able to provide for their parents, while also making sure their kids are getting enough attention. As more and more people in the United States are living longer than ever before, these types of caregivers are becoming more and more prominent. The majority of these caregivers is working full time jobs on top of these responsibilities, and the financial and emotional stress can become very overwhelming. 

Here is a short video about some of these parents’ stories:

https://youtu.be/x-PJfE5eMz0

Before my grandma passed away this last fall, my mom was one of these millions of Americans who were taking on this role. She was working full time with two high daughters, while also having to take care of my grandma's basic needs on a daily basis. Have you experienced the “sandwich generation” in your own family? How did it affect the relationship between your parent and grandparent (or other relative)?

If you haven’t experienced this personally in your own families, how do you think this role reversal would affect the relationship? Do you have any suggestions for how parents who are caring for their own parents can maintain the relationship and reduce unhealthy stress?

Emerging Adulthood

One stage of the cycle of life is emerging into adulthood. Starting to move out of mom
and dad’s shack into a much more intriguing new world of opportunities, a different sense of
privileges, and new responsibilities.  A time where you can explore your identity, careers, and
meet new people.  Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a psychologist who conducted research on emerging
adults, states that young adults want a lot out of life- a job that's well-paid and personally
meaningful and a lasting bond with a partner.  He also categorized five features of emerging
adults (shown below).  Before you take a look at the features, think about when you first moved out of your parent’s house.  What was that like? What was that drive to your college dorm like? What did your parents do that make the transition smooth or maybe rough? Did you have feelings of feeling in between, feeling neither an adolescent nor adult?

Five features of emerging adults
As psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett describes it, emerging adulthood can be defined as an:

- Age of identity exploration. Young people are deciding who they are and what they
want out of work, school and love.

- Age of instability. The post-high school years are marked by repeated residence changes,
as young people either go to college or live with friends or a romantic partner. For most,
frequent moves end as families and careers are established in the 30s.

- Age of self-focus. Freed of the parent- and society-directed routine of school, young
people try to decide what they want to do, where they want to go and who they want to be
with--before those choices get limited by the constraints of marriage, children and a
career.

- Age of feeling in between (neither adolescent nor adult). Many emerging adults say
they are taking responsibility for themselves, but still do not completely feel like an adult.

- Age of possibilities. Optimism reigns. Most emerging adults believe they have good
chances of living "better than their parents did," and even if their parents divorced, they
believe they'll find a lifelong soul mate.

Which of these themes are the most striking to you? Which area do you think you fall
under in the most or had experience with?  Arnett stated:

"If happiness is the difference between what you expect out of life and what you actually
get, a lot of emerging adults are setting themselves up for unhappiness because they
expect so much.” 

Do you feel the same way as him? Feel free to elaborate and/or give
examples.

- Joey Stark

How involved is involved? How involved is overinvolved?

As we move up the child age scale and talk about young adults and emerging adulthood, we focus of course on what relationship dynamics between parents and children continue to look like and what that means for the child's development, and for the parents.

Consider this news item from a few years back:

Watching this, what are your thoughts? What are parents' motivations to be 'helicopter-ing' to their young adults? How might the child's own actions promote or discourse helicopter behavior? What societal factors reinforce or act to discourage parents' hovering and involvement in young adults' lives and decision-making?

Consider the other extreme. If children leave home at say 18, and go it alone, then what? Should parents be uninvolved for the most part; more on the receiving end of information and events? If we think about the scenario in the clip above, would you prefer that the young woman simply tell her parents when she gets a job?