The "Sandwich Generation"

One topic that we started to touch on in class is the concept of the "sandwich generation", which refers to parents who are sandwiched between trying to raise their own children, while also caring for their elderly parents.  Many of these caregivers feel a constant struggle between being able to provide for their parents, while also making sure their kids are getting enough attention. As more and more people in the United States are living longer than ever before, these types of caregivers are becoming more and more prominent. The majority of these caregivers is working full time jobs on top of these responsibilities, and the financial and emotional stress can become very overwhelming. 

Here is a short video about some of these parents’ stories:

https://youtu.be/x-PJfE5eMz0

Before my grandma passed away this last fall, my mom was one of these millions of Americans who were taking on this role. She was working full time with two high daughters, while also having to take care of my grandma's basic needs on a daily basis. Have you experienced the “sandwich generation” in your own family? How did it affect the relationship between your parent and grandparent (or other relative)?

If you haven’t experienced this personally in your own families, how do you think this role reversal would affect the relationship? Do you have any suggestions for how parents who are caring for their own parents can maintain the relationship and reduce unhealthy stress?

Emerging Adulthood

One stage of the cycle of life is emerging into adulthood. Starting to move out of mom
and dad’s shack into a much more intriguing new world of opportunities, a different sense of
privileges, and new responsibilities.  A time where you can explore your identity, careers, and
meet new people.  Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a psychologist who conducted research on emerging
adults, states that young adults want a lot out of life- a job that's well-paid and personally
meaningful and a lasting bond with a partner.  He also categorized five features of emerging
adults (shown below).  Before you take a look at the features, think about when you first moved out of your parent’s house.  What was that like? What was that drive to your college dorm like? What did your parents do that make the transition smooth or maybe rough? Did you have feelings of feeling in between, feeling neither an adolescent nor adult?

Five features of emerging adults
As psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett describes it, emerging adulthood can be defined as an:

- Age of identity exploration. Young people are deciding who they are and what they
want out of work, school and love.

- Age of instability. The post-high school years are marked by repeated residence changes,
as young people either go to college or live with friends or a romantic partner. For most,
frequent moves end as families and careers are established in the 30s.

- Age of self-focus. Freed of the parent- and society-directed routine of school, young
people try to decide what they want to do, where they want to go and who they want to be
with--before those choices get limited by the constraints of marriage, children and a
career.

- Age of feeling in between (neither adolescent nor adult). Many emerging adults say
they are taking responsibility for themselves, but still do not completely feel like an adult.

- Age of possibilities. Optimism reigns. Most emerging adults believe they have good
chances of living "better than their parents did," and even if their parents divorced, they
believe they'll find a lifelong soul mate.

Which of these themes are the most striking to you? Which area do you think you fall
under in the most or had experience with?  Arnett stated:

"If happiness is the difference between what you expect out of life and what you actually
get, a lot of emerging adults are setting themselves up for unhappiness because they
expect so much.” 

Do you feel the same way as him? Feel free to elaborate and/or give
examples.

- Joey Stark

How involved is involved? How involved is overinvolved?

As we move up the child age scale and talk about young adults and emerging adulthood, we focus of course on what relationship dynamics between parents and children continue to look like and what that means for the child's development, and for the parents.

Consider this news item from a few years back:

Watching this, what are your thoughts? What are parents' motivations to be 'helicopter-ing' to their young adults? How might the child's own actions promote or discourse helicopter behavior? What societal factors reinforce or act to discourage parents' hovering and involvement in young adults' lives and decision-making?

Consider the other extreme. If children leave home at say 18, and go it alone, then what? Should parents be uninvolved for the most part; more on the receiving end of information and events? If we think about the scenario in the clip above, would you prefer that the young woman simply tell her parents when she gets a job?

Parents Using Social Media to Respond to Social Media Threats to Children

About a year ago a father from Prior Lake, Minnesota posted a video on YouTube that went viral. The video is below (it's subtitled in Spanish. The original video link may have been removed. This one shows the entire piece, though).

Watch the video and consider the following:

How was social media used by teenagers (in this case Brad's daughter and her friends and other kids), and to what effect? What is your reaction to the incident as Brad describes it? From our reading, and from your experience, does that surprise you?

What prompted Brad (the dad) to use social media to air his opinion?
What are the benefits to his using this forum? Are there any consequences? Consider others connected to the situation. 

Do you agree or disagree with this dad's using YouTube in this way?

Conflict with Parents and Adolescence

Teenagers experience multiple changes in relationships with others, and their identity. They change physically, emotionally, cognitively, and socially. Teenagers start to develop new independence, and may even want to see how far they can push it with their parents. They might come home after their curfew, ignore homework, and not do chores.

Adolescence is a process, so parents have to learn how to work with it rather than against it. It is important that parents should continue to love, support, and be a guidance along the way. Teenagers start to learn new ways of thinking, and start to focus on themselves more. As a child, they are unaware of their independence and believe that they have to do what they are told, and the parents have the power to make them behave the way they want them to.

One day, the parents child is kind, loving, going to bed early, following the rules, dresses appropriately, and does their homework without a problem. Then one day their child turns 12 years old and becomes an adolescent and out of no where they start having attitudes, ignoring them, is on the computer talking to their friends for hours, and stops doing their homework. It can be hard for a lot of parent's watching their child grow up and become teenagers as conflict uprises. The teenager starts to pull themselves away from the parents and family, and create their own independent social network of friends. Reducing time with family often causes conflict with parents and teenagers because of the increasing time the teen spends with their peers.
Other factors that cause conflict between the parent and the teenager can be:
-Not being understanding of the situtaion
-Not liking their peers
-What is appropriate to wear
-Judgment
-Not listening
-Feeling embarrassed
-Parents having unrealistic expectations
-When teenagers challenge the parents authority

As their prefrontal cortex matures, teenagers start to develop more control over impulses, make judgments better, and be able to reason better. When their prefrontal cortex is not fully wired, teenagers tend to take more risks, and poor decision making because the brain takes a second look at the situation and reasons about that particular behavior. Since their brains are still developing, the have not mastered their executive functioning quite yet.

Executive Functioning:
-Time management
-Organization
-Task initiation
-Short-term memory
-Self-restraint

When parents get frustrated and cause conflict with their teenager about not handing in their homework assignment, it is because they do not have the brain capacity are not fully developed yet.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/teens/conflict-with-your-teen/conflict-with-your-teen

The link above talks about how communication is very important when a conflict arises with the teenager and parent. The first thing in the article says is...

"Good communication is vital during conflict. When we asked 5,000 adults what they wished their parents had done differently during times of conflict, they gave these three responses most often:

1. They wished their parents had listened more.
2. They wished they could have talked about their feelings more.
3. They wished they talked to their parents more."

All three of those responses are related to communication.

https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/teenagers-and-communication

The second link discusses how it is different when you communicate with a child and when you communicate when a teenager as they develop ideas, values and beliefs that are different than the parents. Also giving examples on what kind of issues that can affect communication with teenagers. Below the list of issues in the second link, you will see "General Communication Tips with Teenager".

Please discuss the following questions:

1. What do you think about their suggestions? 
2. Can you think of any more suggestions that is important when communicating to a teenager? 
3. When growing up, how did your parents communicate with you? 
4. Anything you wish your parents could have done differently, or do you think they did a good job with communicating with you?

Parenting Adolescents

In addition to Thursday's class discussion regarding gender acceptance in society, this week we discussed about the relationship between parents and adolescents. Unlike the infant and toddler years, during the adolescent years, our body has the most drastic developmental changes. Physically, the body changes during puberty with an increase in hormones. Cognitively, the mind becomes more developed and our reasoning becomes more abstract. We begin to develop a sense of identity and begin to look for future partners. We all developed differently, to become the unique individuals we are today, due to the diverse parenting styles that our parents have used towards us.

In the article, Five Basics of Parenting Adolescents, there are 5 significant ways that parents can promote healthy adolescent development and create a strong, positive relationship between parents and their child. Choose one of the 5 ways and give an example of how your parents may have effectively or not effectively used them to shape you to be the adolescent you were.

For example, my parents were often clear with their boundaries and gave strict rules on what I can and can not do. Being a Hmong daughter, it was even more difficult for me to go out and have fun like my brothers. In the Hmong culture, and most Asian cultures, women were often more limited than men. Women had an image to uphold and bringing shame to the family by acting outside of the "norm" was not acceptable. Therefore, my parents were strict and were rarely flexible with my sisters and I. This resulted in me becoming a rebellious teenager who went out and disobeyed my parent's rules. This created a strain in our relationship and caused us to butt heads on a daily. I believe, if my parents had been more flexible and more fair, I would have been a more honest teen and our relationship would have been better. Of course now, being a young adult, I am more responsible and I barely go out like how I used to. Thinking back, I'm still grateful for their parenting ways because it taught me to develop my morals and think more about those who care for me rather than being so focused on myself and "fun".

Gender Acceptance in Society

This week, mainly on Thursday, we talked about gender as a concept as well as the role it plays in today's society. Jenifer McGuire, our guest lecturer, was able to really illustrate the large stigma that society still places on those who don't necessarily conform to the gender norms that are in place. Throughout her lecture she gave examples of trans individuals who came out to their family and were completely shut out or abandoned. As one could imagine, being treated like this by individuals has been linked to the rate of transgender suicide being among the highest of any other demographic. We have come a long way in the treatment of trans individuals but have a lot of progress to make. Just last week in North Carolina, their governor signed a bill that blocks transgender individuals use of the bathroom with the gender they identify with. This has caused a lot of outrage among people all over the country, showing that there are still many out there with criticisms. What do you think of this bill? Should bathrooms be mandated strictly by biological gender?

As we read about in the article 5 Basics of Parenting Adolescents, in order to influence healthy development, it is important to love and connect with your teen, as well as monitor, guide, model, and advocate for them. I think that this is especially important especially for transgender individuals. If their own family isn't there for support, as stated in lecture, it is likely that negative impacts will occur. Personally, I have a friend with a transgender sibling and his family has been very supportive. Because of this, whenever I go over there to hang out, everything is normal but she has talked about stories of people not being so accepting. If you know a transgender individual, how has the support of their family impacted their wellness? If you don't know any, how would you react if someone close to you came to you with the news that they were transgender?

Websites:
http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/23/politics/north-carolina-gender-bathrooms-bill/
http://hrweb.mit.edu/worklife/raising-teens/five-basics.html