One stage of the cycle of life is emerging into adulthood. Starting to move out of mom
and dad’s shack into a much more intriguing new world of opportunities, a different sense of
privileges, and new responsibilities. A time where you can explore your identity, careers, and
meet new people. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a psychologist who conducted research on emerging
adults, states that young adults want a lot out of life- a job that's well-paid and personally
meaningful and a lasting bond with a partner. He also categorized five features of emerging
adults (shown below). Before you take a look at the features, think about when you first moved out of your parent’s house. What was that like? What was that drive to your college dorm like? What did your parents do that make the transition smooth or maybe rough? Did you have feelings of feeling in between, feeling neither an adolescent nor adult?
Five features of emerging adults
As psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett describes it, emerging adulthood can be defined as an:
- Age of identity exploration. Young people are deciding who they are and what they
want out of work, school and love.
- Age of instability. The post-high school years are marked by repeated residence changes,
as young people either go to college or live with friends or a romantic partner. For most,
frequent moves end as families and careers are established in the 30s.
- Age of self-focus. Freed of the parent- and society-directed routine of school, young
people try to decide what they want to do, where they want to go and who they want to be
with--before those choices get limited by the constraints of marriage, children and a
career.
- Age of feeling in between (neither adolescent nor adult). Many emerging adults say
they are taking responsibility for themselves, but still do not completely feel like an adult.
- Age of possibilities. Optimism reigns. Most emerging adults believe they have good
chances of living "better than their parents did," and even if their parents divorced, they
believe they'll find a lifelong soul mate.
Which of these themes are the most striking to you? Which area do you think you fall
under in the most or had experience with? Arnett stated:
"If happiness is the difference between what you expect out of life and what you actually
get, a lot of emerging adults are setting themselves up for unhappiness because they
expect so much.”
Do you feel the same way as him? Feel free to elaborate and/or give
examples.
- Joey Stark
Moving out of my mom's house couldn't come soon enough. Although we have a really good relationship, her and my brothers' lifestyle didn't match mine. Moving into my college dorm was so exciting because I could finally live my organized, quiet, stress-free, allergy-free (we have cats at my mom's house which I am very allergic to), independent life, that I had been craving for a long time. I think the transition went so smoothly because of how involved my parents were when I first moved out. Mom was always available to text when I needed her, and she provided me with gas money occasionally to help me drive home and see her when I had roommate drama. I really needed the independence that I got when I moved out, but having her to talk to really helped me adjust. She also still helped me pay for car insurance and my phone bill, so I didn't truly feel like an adult until my first apartment.
ReplyDeleteTo me, the age of possibilities matches so closely to where I am right now. I learned from my mom's mistakes to be extremely responsible with my money. I watched her go through bankruptcy and get way too close to losing our home, so I became more responsible to avoid that. I feel like having that experience gave me the motivation to be better off than she was at the time. I also grew up with divorced parents, which taught me how to better manage conflict with a significant other. Optimism is definitely one of my highest qualities, and I hope it lasts through this stage of my life.
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ReplyDeleteWhen I moved out I was also moving to another continent, so I guess I really began my adult life independently. I really think I learned a lot by learning home and seeking out new experiences, friends and exploring my identity and values outside of my own culture.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, the idea that emerging adulthood being a time of identity exploration and deciding what we want out of our lives. I think that this is really at the core of why many young adults feel lost or appear to be focused mostly on themselves. I'm not saying that emerging adults are justified in some of the poor decisions they sometimes make, but that often I think that a lot of what they are doing is driven by a need to understand who they want to be and how they are going to get there. It can definitely be a confusing yet hopeful time of life as they discover their passions, gifts and gain independence all in the same years.
Moving out of my parents house and into a place of my own was very nice and at the same time a little unnerving. I was excited to leave and have a place to call my own and make my own rules, but at the same time it was hard because my parents wanted me to be very independent and if i had a question about something I had to figure it out on my own. I suppose this was there way of making me do more things for myself and figure things out in the real world, but it didn't work.
ReplyDeleteIn my life right now I would say I am at the point of self focus. I am figuring out who I want to be as a person and what career I want to have. I am indecisive when it comes to making certain decisions and my career path is one of them. I'm still figuring out my strengths and weaknesses. There is so many options out there and I could see myself succeeding in a few career paths, but I still have to figure out which is best for me.
When I recall moving out of my parents house and entering the real world I am reminded of a very exciting, eye-opening time. I moved in with a roommate, began college and was slammed of new life expenses. Although I was moving into a new place and becoming my own person, my parents still made themselves available to me. They knew I would be getting used to budgeting FOR REAL and also making money and other mistakes as I adjusted.
ReplyDeleteThe two themes that stuck out the most to me would be the age of instability and the age of possibilities. To me they somewhat go hand in hand. Not only was I unsure of what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be when I "grew up," there were also many unexpected bumps and turns I ran into along the way. It hasn't always been fun and easy but I have learned a lot from what I've been going through so far. When you make this move from living with your parents to being on your own it is crazy the endless possibilities you are faced with. I have learned to cease every opportunity I am given because you never know if you will have another chance.
When I moved out to go to college, it was long overdue. I think the transition went very smoothly because I have always been independent, and I was very ready to be on my own and experience a whole new environment. I was very excited for college, but also nervous because I knew that my life and relationship with my parents would never be the same again. My parents made the transition very smooth because they let me figure things out on my own, but also were there to support me emotionally and financially when I needed it. This year, as a sophomore, I have more feelings that I am in between an adolescent and adult than last year. I am living in my sorority, so we still have a chef and a housekeeper, as well as a lot of rules regarding drinking and boy hours. I feel like I am back at home again in some ways, and I am excited for the summer because I will have my own room in a house, and I will be more able to make my own decisions.
ReplyDeleteI think that right now in my life, the theme that stands out the most to me is the age of self-focus. I have changed a lot since high school, and I am still figuring out the person that I want to be. I am also still trying to figure out what I want to do for a career path and the type of people who I want to form meaningful relationships with. As far as that quote goes, I do not agree with Arnett because I think that it is always a good idea to dream big and set high goals for yourself.
I was always a very mature, responsible teenager, so when it was time to move away for college I was more excited than I was nervous. While it was still sad to move away from my parents who I am very close to, both myself and my parents were ready for the new adventure in my life. When beginning this new stage in my life, I do really see the aspects of identity exploration, instability, and self-focus coming into play. I was learning who I was, what I liked, what I was capable of doing on my own, and what direction I wanted to take my life in (as far as a career goes). I often kind of feel in between stages, as I am on my own most of the time, but frequently turn to my parents for guidance and financial support. Next year in Graduate School I will be more on my own financially, so that may be a major shock to me. It will be a new challenge.
ReplyDeleteI actually agreed with the quote. Many people in my generation expect things to be handed to them, or for things to be easy. Our parents have babied us our entire lives, so we do not have realistic expectations of what the real world will be like. Thus, we end up with too high of expectations, which results in disappointment and unhappiness when things fall through.
Age of Identity and Exploration is where I believe I am and have the most experience with. I think as soon as you leave home and you're placed in a new environment you learn about yourself. Being at the University of Minnesota has made me question aspects of my life I had never thought about before. College has opened me up to a world of different experiences where I began thinking for myself. I have dated a lot of people and figured out what I want in a life long partner and out of the people I surround myself with. I don't have my parents telling me who's a good person and a bad person, I'm figuring these things out on my own. College has also guided my decisions in regards to my future job, I've figured out what I want to do with the rest of my life which I was so confused about coming into college, it was a very confusing concept for me to grasp. Being out on my own has also formed me as a person, I was never someone who was good at school in high school but because of my expectations I have for my future, I have adapted my actions and behaviors to them and have become the person I am now, someone who is excited for graduate school.I don't really agree with the quote, because yes we expect a lot out of life but I have been raised in a way that has taught me that if I want something, with hard work I can get there. Regardless of high expectations, I have the ability to make it happen.
ReplyDeleteWhen I moved out of my parent house, it was a great feeling, but I was also nervous because I didn't know what to expect. It was really nice to be on my own for once and not have my parents ask me "where are you going?" "when are you coming home?" "who are you going to hang out with?" I felt like I had more freedom and was able to find out more about who I was as a person. My parents and I have a good relationship, but sometimes they would ask me too many questions and always ask me those questions, which after awhile got pretty old. When I was living on my own right away, my parents were very supportive and were willing to help me with anything if they could.
ReplyDeleteAge of possibilities is what matches me the most. My parents struggled with money all my life, and I learned a lot about how to be more responsible with my own money and try and save as much money as I can for the future incase something comes up, I wont have to worry about not being able to afford something.
I can still remember how nervous I was on the ride up to drop me off at college. It was tough while my family was dropping me off but they comforted themselves by saying that it was just a necessary part of life and that I was growing up. I think their reassuring words helped me to feel more comfortable with where I was at and when they left I was able to jump right into this new chapter. I definitely had feelings of in between because, at this age, I didn't really feel like an adult but I was on my own and no longer a kid anymore.
ReplyDeleteI think I can relate to the age of feeling in between theme the most. Still today, I don't really consider myself an "adult". I am living in an apartment away from my parents, pay bills, do my own dishes etc. but I still call my parents with questions about how to do things. I'm still learning how to do things and asking for help from my parents and they are ready and willing to lend their support.
As I began my freshman year at the UMN during the fall of 2015, I could remember being a little nervous about being away from my parents. My parents never allowed us to go anywhere and to go out and explore the real world, so going to my college dorm was definitely a big step from my comfort zone. I remembered getting lectured at to be a good student and to not hang out with friends so much (I heard this lecture quite often so I brushed it off). In a sense, I felt like an adolescent because I still felt uncomfortable without the presence of my helicopter parents and I felt like an adult because I was finally able to start doing things on my own and for my own self.
ReplyDeleteI definitely fell into the category of "age of identity exploration". Being at home, I had to dress a certain way and act a certain way. But as I got to college, my wardrobe began to change and the way I present myself is different. Although I'm still the same person on the inside, on the outside, I did change.
I agree with Arnett. I remember being a young teen, I had so much expectations and excitement for growing up. I thought I could do whatever I want and be able to be free and have fun. Of course, to an extent that was true. What I didn't realize was the responsibilities that came along with being an adult. For example, paying bills, keeping ourselves accountable, finding jobs, building network, keeping our grades up. It was definitely different than how I imagined and often times I catch myself wishing I was a kid again.
As I began my freshman year at the UMN during the fall of 2015, I could remember being a little nervous about being away from my parents. My parents never allowed us to go anywhere and to go out and explore the real world, so going to my college dorm was definitely a big step from my comfort zone. I remembered getting lectured at to be a good student and to not hang out with friends so much (I heard this lecture quite often so I brushed it off). In a sense, I felt like an adolescent because I still felt uncomfortable without the presence of my helicopter parents and I felt like an adult because I was finally able to start doing things on my own and for my own self.
ReplyDeleteI definitely fell into the category of "age of identity exploration". Being at home, I had to dress a certain way and act a certain way. But as I got to college, my wardrobe began to change and the way I present myself is different. Although I'm still the same person on the inside, on the outside, I did change.
I agree with Arnett. I remember being a young teen, I had so much expectations and excitement for growing up. I thought I could do whatever I want and be able to be free and have fun. Of course, to an extent that was true. What I didn't realize was the responsibilities that came along with being an adult. For example, paying bills, keeping ourselves accountable, finding jobs, building network, keeping our grades up. It was definitely different than how I imagined and often times I catch myself wishing I was a kid again.
The "age of possibilities" is one of the major attributes of EA that strikes me the most. There's this episode in Master of None on Netflix that references the Bell Jar and the theme of how life becomes more clear when you make choices, and if you put off making choices because you want to keep your options open, those opportunities will fade away. I think the older I get, the more I want to cling to possibility and the childlike sense of not knowing what my life will turn out like. I moved out of my parent's house when I was 17 to go to an arts charter school, and I remember being so consumed with possibility and anxiety about the future that I would research different life paths, colleges, and opportunities on the internet. I think this is a huge stage in an emerging adult's life, and there is no clear beginning or end to it because there are always chances to reroute your path, and a clear life purpose and decisiveness about your direction doesn't mean life has to feel less optimistic.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was deciding what college to go to my parents gave me an ultimatum, I could either go to Stout or live at home and go to the U until I could afford to move out. During high school my parents didn't make have a job. I worked as a dance assistant to help pay for my lessons and briefly at a clothing store. Neither of these jobs paid enough to allow me to save any money. I graduated high school and found myself a decent paying job with the Anoka-Hennepin school district. I worked there for an entire year. By the end of that year I was able to afford to move out of my parents house. My parents were paying for my tuition but I was in charge of paying my expenses of living. I budgeted the money that I had saved working at for Anoka-Hennepin and managed to save more than enough for a years worth of rent plus expenditures. I have continued to budget this way. My parents were very supportive of the way that I was managing my money and balancing work and school. I have worked really hard to be able to take care of myself even though my parents are paying for school. I have secured myself a job following graduation and happened to land my dream job. I think that I am currently in the Age of Inbetween. While I have a good sense of where my life is going following graduation, I still feel like I depend on my parents for a lot of other aspects of my life.
ReplyDeleteI feel that the main point that I can relate to is the age of felling inbetween. Being an adult to my understanding is being able to get a job and paying the bills and basically being indulged in the struggle life. In my presnt life I do feel pressure of life and trying to get everything done on time but sometimes I feel overwhelmed that I might think I might not just be an adult but an elderly parent taking care of ones children and parents even though I don't have children myself. Im also very indulged in my younger siblings lives and activities that I somewhat feel that I am a kid. It's so hard for me to feel like an adult because I'm very connected with my parents and siblings but I/m also paying my own bills. I really don/t know what to do about it because I feel that It's a permanent part of my life anyways. I kind of really don't mind being stuck in the middle since it tends to have it's advantages along the way. And as far as Happiness goes I don't feel like it should be the difference of reality and expectation but it's all about what you get along the way and how it comes to you. Happiness is not constant, it's variable and people need to understand that it comes and it goes in life. The most important thing is that people should makea good use of it and enjoy it while it lasts.
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