An area that plagues many households, stresses children and pushes parents toward the upper bound of their resistance to overparent is homework. While we advise parents to let children do their own work, and experts warn about the dangers of promoting 'performance' over 'mastery' mindsets when parents push children to excel (see this piece from Time), increasingly this is tough for families. Why?
- A big reason is that demands on students for learning (meaning homework) are increasing as school districts escalate standardized testing, and teachers and schools have to prepare children to excel on tests and in schoolwork overall. School funding is tied to student test performance progress. And in some cases, so is teacher's merit.
- Also, demands on more sophisticated learning on topics around Science, Technology, Engineering and Math (aka STEM) are increasing in earlier grades. And parents see their children come home with expectations for language learning, doing experiments, calculation with new math, and problem solving in ways that weren't taught when they were in school.
- Beyond and within all this is the sense of competition that starts very early. Grades and test performance to qualify for college entrance that comes into focus, not in freshman year of high school but in first and second grade. Because going to the 'right' schools and gaining entrance to the 'right' programs early on means opportunities that will only help with college entrance.
So, when the 6, 8 or 10 year old comes home with a backpack filled with projects and papers that mean several hours of study, what is a parent to do? Although they may object (and THIS piece in Time talks about the dangers of too much homework too early and parents' right to refuse for their child to do homework), few do.
What do you suggest? What worked for you in your families when it came to homework when you were in elementary school (or later, perhaps)? What role did your parents play in supporting you to get it done (or did they step up to the demands that the school was placing on you)?
In particular, what might a parent do when they perceive that the demands on their child are mismatched with what is healthy for the child/ what the child is capable of? Remember that although all children develop in the same ways, all children develop capacities at different rates. A parent may have a child with dyslexia (undiagnosed), or one who takes longer to memorize. How does the parent help the child to retain his or her sense of self and self-competence when they perceive that the school work and school performance and social/peer context might be one that is less of a 'fit' to that child?
To answer the last question, I think that it is important to always be positive and encouraging. Kids are so fragile, that I think they need opportunities to excel in their strengths and to be rewarded when they do follow directions and give their best effort. Because not all kids excel at the same rate or retain knowledge at the same capacity, that I think it is most important for them to not be discouraged for not "fitting in" or for not being "as" good at something... because at the end of the day they should know that they have a parent to cheer them on
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in elementary school, my parents would help me on most of my homework. I do not mean that they did the work for me, but they would help walk me through each step as I needed it. For example, my dad would sit with my while I did my math homework and watch me work through the problems. When he saw that I made an error he would question me on my work or take out another piece of paper so that he could show me how to do it without doing my exact problem for me. My mom would do the same type of thing for my English classes. She also loved to help me on projects (she loved to color things for me!).
ReplyDeleteTo answer the last question, I think that it is important for parents to bring up any pressing issues that they see with their child's homework and capabilities to the teacher. While teachers are put under a lot of pressure to meet certain requirements and test scores, they still care about every child's well-being. They understand that children learn at different rates. Thus, they may be able to modify the assignments for the child or offer more one-on-one time in the classroom to help the child learn. Through this help, and a lot of positive, encouraging words (as Joey mentioned) children will be able to retain their sense of self-competency. I think that as children are able to see themselves succeed and hear the praise from their parents or other adult role models, they will believe in themselves and their abilities.
I completely agree with having the parents go to the teacher to discuss their concerns about their kid. It's important for teachers to be flexible so that every child has the opportunity to learn at their cognitive ability and rate without being penalized for having stronger abilities in different areas.
DeleteI think that keeping positivity in the house while doing homework is important because homework is just one of those things in life that you have to push through no matter how much it sucks. I think that encouraging children is important and encouraging them to-do good solid work is also very important even if you view issues within the education. I think that if parents have issues with their child's education, that they should present them to their child's teacher, I just wouldn't make the issues aware to the child. This could make the child feel as though they are stupid or below every other students level. Also, at that age, children don't like attention drawn to them academically. Children are at the age where they are comparing and contrasting, no one wants to stand out. No one wants to be the nerd or be the dumb kid. Instead of making the child aware and telling them that not completing the homework is ok.. parents should help their child push through the homework, helping them more when needed but still pushing them. I think it's also important for parents to understand that that teachers have to form an education that fits numerous children, so they're probably doing the best they can. A parents opinion may not be applicable with what the teacher has seen in the past. Teaching is their job so recommendations are great but parents should also be flexible and if their child needs extra help then that can be arranged through the school.
ReplyDeleteWhat worked for me when I was in elementary and in middle school was that as soon as I got home from school, I would sit down at the dining room table and start homework. My mom would usually have a snack for me to eat with something to drink along with it. She was always home, so if I had a question about something, she was there to help me. If she did not know how to answer something, I would wait to ask my dad once he got home from work. I would not leave the dining room table until I was done with homework because knowing myself, If I left that table to go hang out with some friends I would not finish any of my homework because I would not be in the mood to.
ReplyDeleteI think what a parent should do is to help their child is sign them up for tutoring for an hour or two a couple of days a week and have that tutor help them with whatever they need help with. Or sit down with their child and help them better understand what they are working on without giving them the answer, and give them steps to figure out the answer on their own. They could also send them off to an after school program that focuses on doing homework as well. The parents should always be positive with their kids and support them with the struggles of their homework load. If the parent shows the child that they believe in them, the child will feel better about themselves and want to prove to their parent that they can do it and push themselves to do it.
When I was in elementary school I don't remember bringing home a lot of homework because they gave us a little work time in class, but if I did, I was expected to do it. If I had questions my dad tried to help but we both just frustrated each other when one wasn't understanding. My dad always pushed me to do my best and it was expected I do well and get good grades.
ReplyDeleteThe education system has changed quite dramatically since my parents were in school and the way teachers teach concepts are different than what my parents were taught. My dad and I both knew how to solve the problem, but we used different techniques and methods to do it and I think this is a real problem for parents today in trying to understand their child's homework and help them. Over the summer I work for community education and some of the kids have math and reading workbooks the teachers require children to do. One of the kids asked if I could help them with their long division and when we sat down to work on it, it didn't go so well because the way I learned was much different than what they are learning. Today they are adding more steps and making it more work than the child actually has to do, but the schools are just trying to keep up with the standards and meet their testing scores.
When parents encounter problems with their child's homework its always best to stay positive and try to stay calm. It is easy to get worked up when a child can't figure out a certain concept. I agree with what others have said and think parents should talk to teachers and even ask them for help or have the teacher show them how a certain concept is solved so the parent can better understand and explain to the child, instead of both of them becoming confused and frustrated.
I think something important for parents to remember is that each child has a unique personality and ways of working. A routine that works for them may not suite their child's learning style or personality. Children may need time to be active outside or relax a bit before being expected to focus for lengthy periods of time on homework.
ReplyDeleteIn my family I remember being very responsible with my homework and always making sure it was completed. However, most of my other siblings had a lot of conflict with my parents over homework and often nearly failed classes because often they didn't complete daily tasks and larger projects in a timely manner.
At the same time, at least one of my brothers really struggled with dyslexia and any writing he had to complete was a huge project for him (and my parents of course!) I think today my mom would say that she wishes she had not pushed him so hard and been more sensitive to his self-esteem. At the same time, I think my parents also realize that too often they stepped in to fix school problems for my siblings. Parents need to be aware of their child's academic struggles, but also of their personal weaknesses- there is a huge difference between an honest struggle and laziness. Children need to be allowed to grow in their problem solving abilities as they face new challenges, but also must be supported before they feel so overwhelmed that they give up trying in school.
I suggest giving yourself the time to sit down with your child and figure it out. Set up rewards for getting things done on time (rather than the grades they got); instill a sense of intrinsic reward for working hard. For this, though, I have no suggestions as to how to instill intrinsic motivation. My mom never helped me with my homework and never had any sort of structure as to how and when I get it done. It was always up to me to make sure I got my stuff done.
ReplyDeleteI think that if a parent sees that their child is being given too large of a workload for their capacity, then they have to either take time out to sit down with their child and do it together. If that's not possible, I would say the best option is to go to the school and advocate for the child's needs. If all else fails, consistently reinforce to the child the idea that as long as they are doing the best they can, it's good enough.
When I was in elementary school, I was very independent and motivated, and I got my homework done on my own right after school. My parents never really had to intervene with my studies besides helping to study for tests. With my younger sister, getting her to do her homework was the complete opposite. She would never do it unless my parents hassled her, and they had to use reinforcement or punishment to get her to do it. It is important to remember that all children have different personalities and learning styles and what works for one child is likely not going to work for all. If parents feel that the academic demands are too high for their specific child, they should consider talking to the school in order to see what options there are, since all children learn differently. If nothing different can be done, they should come up with creative ways to help the child get all of their homework done, while being careful not to do it for them.
ReplyDeleteSimilar to Katelyn, I was extremely self-motivated as a kid. I don't remember my parents ever even asking me if I did my homework, because they knew I was already on top of it. My older brothers were very different, both not as independent and timely as I was. Because of this, I think I was kind of a sigh of relief to my parents, as they didn't have to intervene.
ReplyDeleteIf a child has issues completing homework or isn't doing well in school, and the parents think that their work load is too much for the child's abilities, I think they need to discuss that with the teacher. The parent can try to motivate and help their child with homework and studying as much as possible, but ultimately it is up to the child to complete their assignments. As mentioned, maybe the child has an undiagnosed learning disability. In that case, if a parent is worried that the child is struggling, I think they need to meet with the teacher and discuss how large the work load is and how other children are performing, relative to their own child. From there, hopefully the teacher-parent duo can work out a solution that best fits the child's learning needs.
It is hard to comment on this thread without saying what has already been said. Growing up I did my homework until it got too difficult. When the homework was easy and I understood the concepts I was right on it, but when it was something I didn't understand or wasn't interested in, I gave up. When my parents started to see me struggle in school and with my grades they would offer incentive to complete my homework or to get on the honor roll. This did work for me. I decided to reach out and ask for help when I needed it and it helped me to be interested in the subject again. My parents wanted me to know that sometimes you will have to do things that you don't want to but often if you stick with it you will be rewarded in the end or in the long run. My parents also offered to help whenever they could and as soon as they couldn't answer my questions they helped me find a tutor.
ReplyDeleteEspecially with how far technology has come these days there will be times when a parent can not help their child with homework because the concepts are beyond their realm. This is where it is the parents job to become at least aware of what is going on at school and to reach out when needed. Parents can let the school know when they believe their child is receiving too much or too difficult of work. Every child is different and some get too overwhelmed when they have too much on their plate. That is something that is becoming more recognized in the school districts with IEP plans. There are so many ways to cater to the different learning styles that children possess and it is important for both the teacher and the parent to be aware of this, so that every child has at least a chance and opportunity at success.
It is hard to comment on this thread without saying what has already been said. Growing up I did my homework until it got too difficult. When the homework was easy and I understood the concepts I was right on it, but when it was something I didn't understand or wasn't interested in, I gave up. When my parents started to see me struggle in school and with my grades they would offer incentive to complete my homework or to get on the honor roll. This did work for me. I decided to reach out and ask for help when I needed it and it helped me to be interested in the subject again. My parents wanted me to know that sometimes you will have to do things that you don't want to but often if you stick with it you will be rewarded in the end or in the long run. My parents also offered to help whenever they could and as soon as they couldn't answer my questions they helped me find a tutor.
ReplyDeleteEspecially with how far technology has come these days there will be times when a parent can not help their child with homework because the concepts are beyond their realm. This is where it is the parents job to become at least aware of what is going on at school and to reach out when needed. Parents can let the school know when they believe their child is receiving too much or too difficult of work. Every child is different and some get too overwhelmed when they have too much on their plate. That is something that is becoming more recognized in the school districts with IEP plans. There are so many ways to cater to the different learning styles that children possess and it is important for both the teacher and the parent to be aware of this, so that every child has at least a chance and opportunity at success.
Growing up, my parents would never think about stepping up and going against the school's demand for homework. Therefore, I had no choice but to complete my homework. My parents never really checked them when I finished. They trusted that we would have completed it when they asked about it. With that in mind, I always completed my homework when it was assigned. I didn't want my parents to be disappointed since getting an education was highly expected from us.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent, it is important to know what is enough or is too much for their child. If the parent ever feels like their child isn't capable of handling the workload, the parent can go discuss it with their child's teachers and discuss an alternative way for the student to learn/complete the materials.
When I was growing up, my parents made sure that I completed my homework but didn't force me to do it at a certain time which I think created less stress. I think that when a parent thinks that their child has too much on their plate they should step in to see how their child is approaching the homework. If they are really trying to finish it and giving a great effort but still have too much I think the parent should then step in and offer a little bit of support/help especially if the concepts aren't being grasped as efficiently as they could be. If the child seems to be understanding the work but it is simply a matter of extreme quantity, then, I think that the parent should have a talk with the teacher to see why they are assigning so much and explain how long it is taking them.
ReplyDeleteI would say that schools are very advanced and more intensive these days or as the years went by. I personally growing up had somewhat a lot of homework to do everyday from all my different classes. This has was kind of frustrating because after I came home I barely had anytime to play outside with my friends and siblings during the weekdays. But I must thank my parents who encouraged me and working along with me on my homework and actually giving me nice advise and tactics on balancing my work load. I feel that this connects with health parent relationships and involvement between the children and the parents which later lead to positive impacts in the child's development.
ReplyDeleteI also feel that the sense of competition that starts early between children in school can lead to both positive and negative results. I feel that children are able to benefit from healthy peer competition by working hard and improving. children are encouraged to work harder and improve in fields that the were weak in. This may help the child to really learn and be more indulged in what is happening their classrooms rather then being inattentive. I also do understand that it may lead to negative impacts on children like stress and depression from not being able to do so well compared to the other kids in their class. Overall, I feel like children can be encouraged and motivated and also succeed in the end in their academic life if they are given the right guidance and support that they need and feel comfortable receiving in their journey to be successful.