In class we reviewed some of the different types of grandparents, and have discussed what our personal relationships with our grandparents are like. I would like to take a moment to talk about custodial grandparents, and how custodial grandparents act as a buffer from the system when their adult children are unable to raise their own children.
Here is a link to a video about two custodial grandparents: Agnes Flores and Jimmy Mills who are raising several of their grandchildren themselves, both families being below the federal poverty level.
What are your initial reactions to this video? I'm curious to know if anyone has any personal experience with having a custodial grandparent and can share how this unique family structure has affected you personally or your family, or if you have observed this type of family in the lives of others you know.
What do you think the main reasons for custodial grand parenting are? Do you think these grandparents feel grateful for having the opportunity to help their grandchildren who are caught in the middle of difficult circumstances, or do you think they feel like they have taken on more burden and responsibility than they anticipated having at their old age? Is there anything you believe the government, community, neighborhood, or schools should do in order to support these custodial grandparents?
Would love your thoughts!
I got a mixture of sadness and respect after watching the video -- it is very laudable that these grandparents have strength and dedication to raise their grandchildren, but of course it is also distressing that so many grandparents cannot catch a break, especially those from poorer communities who must have toiled their whole lives.
ReplyDeleteThe main reasons for custodial grandparenting are grandchildren who either have unreliable parents or busy parents with low-income. I think it really depends on how the person perceives the task of grandparenting. The examples of two granparents provided in the video show how cultural aspects may help a person make meaning of the "burden". The grandfather seemed to be a religious person, so perhaps he acknowledges the new responsiblity as a gift from god and as a new way to bring more love to the world. The grandmother looked Hispanic, so I would think she adheres to values of familism.
The main thing that stuck out to me in this video would be how tired both of the grandparents sounded during their interviews. If they are anything like almost all of the grandparents I know they don't feel burdened at all, even though they really are taking on much more than they should be. They have taken on the responsibility of caring for multiple young children and treating them like their own. The reasons behind this added responsibility for these elderly beings could be of many. The parents could be working, unreliable or just plain out of the picture for whatever reason. I do believe there should be something in place for these custodial grandparents whether it be the community or the government, although I'm not really sure what that would be. Possibly monetary support in whatever form possible, but they definitely deserve some bit of support considering they are below federal poverty level.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was watching this video, I got emotional because of the hard work and love they put into raising their grandchildren. If they were not around, who knows what would happen with those kids. I feel like the grandparents sacrifice a lot to raise their grandchildren. Custodial grandparents start having health issues as they age, and finance issues. I feel like it would be hard to take care of themselves as is.
ReplyDeleteI feel like custodial grandparents are willing to help out their grandchildren because they are family, they love them, and they want what is best for them so they can grow up into mature, responsible adults. They want them to be a better person and be a good support system because they don't have that with their parents.
I think there should be programs that the communities that offers help for custodial grandparents. If the government got involved, that would be even better. They should write out checks for them monthly to help them out with bills, transportation, food, clothing, etc. so they don't have to struggle as much.
My initial reaction to this was a little surprised and then sad. These grandparents look so tired and worn down, but they still continue to care for their grandchildren day in and day out. I think it would be very tough at their age to be caring for such young children and helping to raise them. Agnes is raising 5 grandchildren ranging from 2yr-14yr old. She had to quit her job to become their caregiver. At any age young or old, that would be a difficult position to be put in. These grandparents are increasing in age and probably expected to be enjoying retirement and relaxing, but now they have to continue taking on responsibilities by caring for these children. I think the main reasons custodial grandparents take care of the grandchildren are because they are family, they don't want the children to end up in foster care, and they feel they are still able bodied enough to care for these kids and put food in their mouths and clothes on their backs. I think it would greatly benefit the grandparents if there were some type of assistance on every level. Whether its the government giving some type of financial assistance or the communities and schools having after school programs or food shelves to help put food on the table. Even providing clothing can be a big relief. I think these grandparents would greatly accept some type of assistance that would lessen their burden and bring them some relief.
ReplyDeleteMy initial reaction was that these grandparents are so strong, and so full of love to be taking on the hardships of raising their grandchildren. They are ageing and trying to take care of themselves, and then they are given the extra task of raising children...it is no easy task. They need help and assistance, but the system does not really provide it. It makes me sad. While I have never been around custodial grandparents in my immediate family, I had some friends in elementary and middle school that were being raised by their grandparents. It seemed like a very different family system, and I always wondered how it worked and how it came to be like that for their family. I did not understand at the time the circumstances of it all. What I do know was that the children struggled in school. They were often getting in trouble or acting out in class. Part of me now thinks that this may have been due to the situation they were in. They did not have a parent in their lives regularly, they were living in a situation that they may not have liked, their grandparents may have been tired and not as involved as a young parent may have been, and they realized they were different than their peers because of their home situation. These are all things that could happen to any family, but is probably even more likely to happen in a family with the grandparents acting as the parents. I support all of the grandparents taking on this role, but also think that they need way more assistance from others and the system. They should not be required to take on such a huge task alone.
ReplyDeleteI think custodial grandparenting happens when the parent fails to take on the responsibility of a parent. Whether that be getting into trouble with the law, getting taken out of their community for any reason or weren't in the proper situation to raise a child. I think that grandparents take on this burden but it changes from a burden to a blessing for them. Children are a major stress factor and many parents don't love the idea of having to raise a child again, but even surprise babies are loved unconditionally once enough time is spent with them. I think allowing custodial grandparents the right to adopt more easily would be beneficial because a lot of the times they have no rights without the parent, even if the parents aren't suitable to be raising a child.
ReplyDeleteI think that love is truly shown in this video through the grandparents wanting to help their grandchildren. It is clear they aren't as fully capable as they perhaps once were and because they aren't "unable" to parent, they receive no assistance. I think that their should be programs set in place to help out custodial grandparents who may have a tougher time parenting. Personally, I've had relatives who lived with my grandparents for awhile to help co-parent while they got back on their feet financially but never it was never a custodial relationship. I have so much respect for the grandparents that are willing to put their life on hold and then some to take care of a child.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, what an amazing video. The two grandparents they show in the video have the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen and it doesn’t seem like they are having any help from another spouse, they are raising their grandkids basically on their own. Some of the remarks they made were filled with warmth and compassion, which I truly admire.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I have not had a personal experience in my family with custodial grand parenting. I believe that custodial grand parenting comes from teenage pregnancy, addiction, gang affiliating, health and financial issues. I do not know if I could be the one to say that there should be a “one-size fits all” approach to support custodial grand parenting. I wish there were programs at the school level, but I wouldn’t want the children to feel a sense of “stimuli” from other classmates due to the fact that their grandparents are raising them compared to their biological parents. I think that it is up to the grandparents and for them to do what they think is right and best.
From my own experience I have had a costodial grandparent for 8 years which was my grandmother. I may say that it was the best 8 years of my life. I connected and really got to understand my grandmother (who i didn't physical meet before the 8 years) on a personal level. And from my own experience and maybe other people's experience they can conclude that their grandparents are more of their bestfriends. As far as discipilne goes, my grandmother didn't use the same forms of discipline as my parents. She used a more of a verbal and emotional type of discipline to me and my siblings which surprisingly worked more sucessively. This is because emotions and tears were my biggest weakness and that made me do everything and anything that my grandmother wanted. I feel that custodial grandparents appericate and are ok with raising their grandchildren depening on their social and finanical statuses and also health wise. My grandmother was very capable of raising me a my siblings both financially and physically. she was able to be at every evet and be their when ever we needed her. This factor maybe a disadvantage to many custodial grandparents since health is an issue. In my opinion, I do think that custodial grandparents should have help from the government If their children are not present and giving them enough money to raise their children.
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