Just as we have parents, we have grandparents. Most of us have four (two grandmothers, two grandfathers) but the number and genders can vary. Particularly variable is our relationship with our grandparents. Factors like geographic distance can affect our connections. Our own parents' relationships with their parent(s) can definitely affect how much and in ways we see and understand our grandparents.
In the lecture slide set from last week, grandparents are identified to offer a variety of supports and resources for grandchildren. And their relationships run along a continuum from remote to companionate to custodial. Increasingly in our US society grandparents raise their grandchildren - for a period of time, for the duration of the child's life, through living in extended family households (such as the teenage mother and her child who live with her parents). For many children, grandparents are also 'cultural conservators,' maintaining the norms, customs and values of our heritages.
Please share a bit about your own relationships with your grandparents. All of them (depending how many) or maybe a single grandparent who was/is meaningful to you. How would you describe your relationship? What does the grandparent do for you and support your development?
This is my characterization of one of my grandparents. My grandfather (Earle "Grandpa" Powers, 1898-1984) was my mother's father. He and my grandmother lived in Ohio while my family lived in Illinois. That meant that contacts were occasional (Christmas and summer) but consistent while I was growing up. And in my adulthood I put effort into visiting them. I only knew my grandfather in his retirement so he was a symbol of adulthood who pursued hobbies rather than the demands of work. He sang, went to the Masons, smoked cigars, painted, read and traveled. I loved knowing an adult who had so many interests. He gave me someone to love being with and look forward to visiting when the majority of adults in my childhood were those I had to be responsible to. In turn I wasn't someone he needed to be responsible for (his active parenting focused on my mother and uncle). He also gave me history to my mother's side of the family; a dimension of her that as a child I didn't understand or tangibly see.
So, my relationship with my grandfather on our continuum was companionate. And he gave me a role model, a sense of connection to the past and a wider, larger sense of 'family,' and the emotional support of someone I felt comfortable with and someone else who had value for me.
What are your connections to grandparents?
My mother's father (my grandpa) Dwight meant a lot to me. When my mom had me she was a single parent raising me in college, and my grandpa encouraged her to not get an abortion but to raise me with his help. My mom married my now father when I was four, but my grandpa was always the person I looked up to in order to understand my own background, personality, and history. My grandpa was a Vietnam War veteran and ex-marine who loved music and would play the guitar and sing. Because I've never known my biological father, I always made sense of my own independent nature and interests as they closely resembled my grandpa's. My grandpa Dwight didn't intentionally or purposefully guide me, but I think he did so without realizing his impact. He would drive around with me and tell me stories, and tell me not to choose a guy to be with who didn't appreciate me for who I was. He also told me that if I spent too much time worrying or trying to control things in life, I would stop enjoying it and lose sight of what's important. He was a simple, stubborn, sarcastic, hilarious, creative person who always made people laugh, and in many ways he made me feel less alone and more understood because I've never felt like I "fit in" with my dad's family. I'm so thankful for him because although I have my father as a parent, my grandpa and I could talk about music we loved and talk about politics and the war in a way that my dad and I just can't. My grandpa never made presumptions about who I was or ever felt disappointed in me the way parents can sometimes, and I think that's part of why grandparents are so important. Grandparents have a unique role in being a role model, friend, and guide without being as closely involved as parents are.
ReplyDeleteI currently only have once grandparent, and that is my dads dad. I was little I would have a lot of memories with my grandpa because when I would go over there to visit, he would always have something made for me. He would make me books so I could draw or color in, he would make crafts out of the coolest things and collect them or give them to his grandchildren. He was very creative. My grandpa would also build doll houses from scratch and show me how far he would get each time I went over there. He would tell me old stories of how he started to do all of these crafts and showed me a couple of ways he would do his crafts. My relationship with him when I was younger was very strong as I would go over there and visit him. I remember when him and grandma would take me and my two other cousins to "Camp Snoopy" while taking a bunch of pictures. When they took pictures, they would make photo albums for all of us to have to remember. They cherished memories a lot, and I think that effected me and showed me how important memories are, and to cherish every moment you have with someone you love, and to cherish your time you have with your family. Life is short, and cherishing everything you can, while you can is important. Grandpa was a positive role model to my life and I love him very much and I am very thankful for him to be apart of my life.
ReplyDeleteWithin my family, I have three grandparents (both on mom's side, grandma on dad's side). Instead of describing all of them, I'd like to describe my mom's mom, or my Nana. She was a huge part of my childhood, acting as the day care before we were old enough for school, and also the before and after school care when we went to elementary school near her house. Since we open enrolled, and my mom worked long hours, my mom was able to drop my brothers and I off at my Nana's house on her way to work and pick us up on her way home from work. It worked out extremely well for us and gave us a place to work on homework, watch TV, nap, or just converse with our grandma. She is a very religious person will do anything to help us in our time of need. For example, since we weren't at home often, my Nana let us bring our laundry to her house and she would wash, dry, and fold everything. She provided us with meals to take home, gave my mom money when she needed it, and even hosted my graduation party from high school. I probably spent more time with my Nana than I did at my own house, and I loved it.
ReplyDeleteHaving this close connection with my Nana gave me an older role model for so many values and behaviors. She held high standards for us and taught me how to be proud of myself for accomplishments. I am forever grateful for her love and support.
My mothers parents were extremely involved in my life growing up, mostly because of proximity. My grandparents were present for every cheerleading competition, chorus concert, graduation and school play of mine. If I forgot my gym clothes or lunch my grandmother would be the first person I would call. They helped raise me and although my grandpa died, my grandma is even more involved in the life of my family. My grandma helped raise me because my parents both worked a lot. I frequently spent the night at her house where I helped her garden, bake and play the piano. I had my own room at her house and now she has her own room at my families house. My grandparents went everywhere with us because they lived so close. Family vacations were never complete if they weren't there.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma is the only biological grandparent I have left and she still serves as a role model for me. She's very religious and stuck in traditional ways and that has helped shape me while growing up. She has enhanced my political beliefs but also taught me how to be a good person. She's taught me how to cook, bake, play piano and garden and has this ability to make me feel on-top of the world. She's one of those grandparents that loves to brag about her grandchildren and is always telling me how proud she is of me. She's the kindest and most giving person I have ever met and I hope to grow into the same type of person as my grandma.
I have 4 grandparents and 3 step-grandparents. Of which only 3 are still alive. I see my dad's parents the most and I would say they have been the most influential in my life. My step-grandma I have only met once when I was 10 years old, but since she lives far away and my step-mother and her siblings don't get along, its hard to visit. I have a strong relationship with my dad's parents. When I was younger my grandma Muriel and grandpa Lloyd acted as caregivers when my dad had to travel for work or was on church retreats. In the summers they would take my cousin Eric and I on camping trips and my grandma and I would always make peanut butter cookies together. They live in Virginia, MN, which is about three and a half hours away so it was hard to take time and visit during the school year, so holidays were always a planned time and the summer was more frequent. As I have gotten older and my schedule has gotten busier, it is very hard to find time to visit them. I keep in touch with them through email and phone calls, but I wish I could spend more time with them. I think when I was younger I took my grandparents for granted, thinking they will never die and I will have them my whole life, but now I realize as their health decline that time is limited and I need to spend more quality time with them before its too late. My relationship has always been very strong with both of them. They have supported me throughout my whole life. Bringing me to my soccer games, giving advice, being a parental figure, and being proud of me no matter what I do. They have such a huge impact on my life and I hope to be just as great of a grandparent when my children have kids someday. They have been such positive role models to look up to and learn from throughout my life and I'm so thankful for both of them.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, my family did not live near either of my parents' families so I wouldn't say that I was ever super close to any of my grandparents. At the same time, I think some of the distance had to do with how their generation was raised and just reflected different ideas about how adults and children interacted.
ReplyDeleteMost of my dad's family lives about 3 hours away from my hometown, so when we went to visit, we spent time with my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and my cousins. Usually we stayed on my grandparent's farm though and I have lots of good memories of playing at their house and helping my step-grandma in the garden and in the kitchen. There was always something going on at the farm and my cousins and I loved exploring outside and then coming into the kitchen for my Grandma's ginger cookies before supper. As an adult, I don't have as many opportunities to go up to see my grandparents. However, now that my grandpa has finally agreed to be retired, they regularly visit my parents, which gives me more opportunities to see them over family dinners when I am also visiting.
While I was young, both of my father's parents passed away unexpectedly so I never really got a chance to form a strong relationship with them. My mother's dad lived in Oregon with his wife and I only met him once, but my mom's mom lived only a few minutes away from us growing up. She worked locally and was constantly around my family so she was ultimately a primary caregiver of my sister and I. The relationship that I had with her was very similar to the one I have with my mom, which is a best friend relationship. We could talk to each other about everything and did. Much of the things we did together were based on tradition. We spent every holiday together, had Sunday dinners at my parents house, went to the greenhouse every Mother's day and just spending free time together. Even though our relationship was personal and I could tell her anything, I still respected her greatly, I knew when to draw the line when it came to joking, etc. and I felt she did the same for me. We had a reciprocal respect for each other and also had great support for one another. Her role in my development really worked as an extension to the one that my parents played. When I was with her it was like I was with my mom and dad. They had similar standards set which helped me to feel secure and stable.
ReplyDeleteI am most connected with my Mom’s mom. However, I am not very emotionally close to my Grandma, but I definitely admire her and respect her. She does so much for my family. She cooks, plans, and supports many of us financially. One thing that I love about her is her attitude. She has such an amazing attitude when it comes to spending time with us. Currently, I know that she is dealing with supporting her husband while he has Alzheimer’s and taking over control/management of our family’s business, so I do not necessarily want to bring up conversations about stressors, so when I am with her I focus on having fun and being positive.
ReplyDeleteI have never been close to my grandparents, because most of my life my family lived far away from all my relatives. When we moved back to Vietnam, I did not feel that much connection to them, despite our occasional family gatherings with extended family and weekend visits to grandparents.
ReplyDeleteEven though my grandparents have not directly impacted my development, in a way, I could say, my maternal grandmother did so indirectly. She has a significant influence on my mother -- they often talk with each other and share concerns over the phone. So perhaps, my maternal grandmother's opinions and advice might have affected my mother's decisions and behaviors, which in turn affected me.
I grew up close to all of my grandparents - Grandma Marlyce and Grandpa Ken from my dad's side, and Grandma Sandy and Grandpa Bill from my mom's. My dad's parents babysat me and my brother a lot when we were younger as they lived in the same town. We also lived on the same acreage as their cabin, so I saw them all of the time! They were great companions and caregivers. But I was never as close to them as my mom's parents. I think the main reason for this was age. My mom's parents are about 20 years younger than my dad's so they were always much more active and able to relate to us kids. They were my "hip" grandparents, as I like to say! They lived about an hour and a half away from us, which probably made seeing them even more exciting since we did not see them as often as my dad's parents. But either way, I had a close, strong, loving, and companion-like relationship with all of my grandparents. I consider myself very lucky.
ReplyDeleteI have three living grandparents currently. It was around 5 years ago when my grandpa passed away after dealing with Alzheimer's for several years. It was sad watching him deteriorate mentally but since they lived further away we didn't get to see him as much. Because of the distance, we are aren't able to visit my dad's side of the family as much and as a result, aren't as close. On my mom's side, however we are quite close. My grandma and papa have been there for me my entire life and have even housed one of my uncle and cousins while they were getting back on their feet. Still today I get excited about going to my grandparents house because it just brings with it a feeling and sense of security and love that can't be replicated.
ReplyDeleteI was very close to my mom's parents: Grandma Gladys and Grandpa Homer growing up. My parents worked a lot in the summer, so these grandparents were my primary caregivers for half the year when I was very young. I would say that the relationship was mostly companionate on the spectrum, because our main interactions were my grandparents playing games with us, playing on the swing set, and teaching us new skills around the house. From a young age, they taught me how to be a good person and nurtured my beliefs in the Christian faith. Their story is truly inspirational because they started out with next to nothing during the Great Depression, and developed a successful business in the community that my mom now runs today. Looking bad now, they also taught me a lot about relationships and how I want them to be, both with my spouse and my own children. My grandpa passed away in 2009, and my grandma in 2015, and I miss them a lot. I am glad that we were able to get so close growing up, which wasn't true for any of my other cousins because they all lived far away.
ReplyDeleteThe only grandparents I met were from my dad's side. They were my dad's parents. I had a great relationship with my grandparents in comparison to my parents. My parents were often working full time and, most times, over-time so my grandparents basically became my second parents who looked after us when we were younger and until our teen years. They were the two people who, besides my parents, taught us our values and our morals. They brought us up to become Christians and to become good people. They had a big heart who loved to help many people. In fact, among the Hmong people, my grandma was well known and often known as the Hmong Doctor. My grandpa was a leader back in Laos during the Vietnam War, so my grandparents had many people who respected them. They passed on their leadership and loving ways to us kids. Even though they're both no longer here, we can only hope that we'd be half of what they were.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up I had a much better relationship with my grandma and grandpa on my dad's side. My grandparents on my dad's side would watch me during the day while my parent's were at work. My grandma would make me breakfast and lunch. Breakfast usually consisted of bacon and toast. I would spend a lot of time playing cards with my grandpa and making something in his wood shop. I enjoyed spending time there during the week and I created a great bond with my grandparents as a child. I'm not as close to them now but I still see them once every few months. My grandpa on my mom's side I didn't have a very good relationship with. There was a language barrier so we had a hard time communicating with each other. I always felt like I was in the way whenever I was around him. When he passed away my senior year in high school, I couldn't think of one happy memory of him.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to my grandparents I must say that I was more connected with my grandmother on my mother's side. She was more of a custodial grandparent for us. She was able to raise me and my siblings for 8 years with out anyone's help (She did get finanical help ofcourse from my parents) I was very attached to her because she was presnt during my early life i.e middle-age to adolescence. she was present at all my events and celebrations. I had a vey compassionate, loving and protective and productive relationship with my grandmother which makes her more favorable for me and my siblings when it comes to our grandparents. She was their when we all entered high school and graduated from middle school as well. When it comes to my grandfather on my mother's side I really didn;t get the time to meet him because he passed away when I was six. As far as my fathers side, I really didn't have a strong and connected bond with them since they lived in a differen tcountry and they had serious health issues making them move and locate to different areas and hospitals fro time to time. My grandmother passed away last year and it was the hardest time for me and my family because they attavhment was so strong that it felt like a piece of me was gone. It's still hard for us today to accept that she is gone but the memories and skills and knowlegde that we were able to aquire from her will reamin with us forever. i.e respecting elders, focussing on school and always having positive morals and attitudes when around others.
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