In class we have been talking about the adult-adult relationships within a family and sandwich generations. The life expectancy of humans continue to increase as technology is created to prolong everyone's health. When our parents become a part of the older generation and we enter adulthood, what will we do with our parents as their health begins to deteriorate?
Many cultures make the decision to have their parents live with them as they become unable to take care of themselves. My grandfather lived with my aunt and uncle until he passed away. He was a very big part of my cousin's lives and acted as another primary caregiver. My grandparents on my dad's side, up until a few years ago, lived in a townhouse by themselves. My aunt and uncle recently moved in with them because of their own financial reasons. If it weren't for that my grandparents would have continued to live by themselves. In my opinion, the return of my aunt and uncle living with them is less of them trying to take care of my grandparents but more of my grandparents taking care of them.
Traditional Cambodian households have their parents move in with their daughters. I'm an only child, so the task of taking in my parents would automatically go to me. My dad is Caucasian and my mom is Cambodian. My dad believes that they will live in a house or care facility that is close to me. My mom on the other hand, refuses to be put in a nursing home. She would rather kill herself than be forced to live in a nursing home. I personally would be more than okay to have my parents live with me when they need it. It would allow them to spend ample amount of time with their grandchildren and it would be the most cost effective. I would love to be able to afford to live in a house with a big enough yard to build my parents a living space that is not connected to the main house. This would allow all of us to keep some semblance of privacy as well as have them close enough if anything happened to them.
What will you do to help your parents when they are no longer able to fully care for themselves? What cultural aspects influence your decision? What would your ideal living situation look like for you and your parents?
This a tough question! My parents purposefully built the house that they are living in now as a patio style home, so that they will hopefully be able to stay in that for a very long time without the worry of stairs. They are only 50, so luckily I don't have to worry about this for awhile. I hope to live close to them in the future, but I have never honestly thought about what will happen when my parents when they are no longer able to live in their house. My parents are social people so I could see them actually liking some sort of assisted living facility that has lots of group activities for them to interact with other. But if this is not something they would want, I could see them moving in with me. I am the oldest of two children and I am very close to my parents, so this is definitely not out of the question. I think that this topic is something that definitely deserves some discussion in the future and some honest communication between me and my parents so that the best decision is made for all parties.
ReplyDeleteThis is a hard question because I have never really given it much thought until our discussions in class. My dad has always said when he gets too old to care for himself to just let him wander off into the woods, but I would never let that happen. I think if my parents had to move in with me I would let them, but I worry about my abilities to care for them and give them the proper attention they need if I had my own kids to worry about. I wouldn't be opposed to an assisted living center and I don't think they would be either. I think it is still a far away thought for both them and myself, but it is definitely something we should discuss and have something in place in case things do take a turn. My dad will never go to a nursing home. He stayed in one after our families car accident so he could get round the clock care, but the things he witnessed and experienced from that place are very scary and I wouldn't necessarily trust nursing homes and I'm sure he would haunt me if I ever put him back in one.
ReplyDeleteI don't think we really know until we're in the situation but I'd expect that I'd offer to have my parents live at my house when it came to that point. They've done so much for me my entire life that I feel like it's the least I could do to repay them. I like the idea that you had about being able to afford a separate space that isn't connected to the main house. This would be an awesome way for them to not feel like they were intruding at all and, like you said, would allow them time to spend with their grandchildren. At the same time however I don't think my parents would really fight too hard if it came to a point where they needed to be placed into a home. I guess it's kind of hard to make that statement though because I have never had that conversation with them.
ReplyDeleteI know the way my parents operate and I know they wouldn't do well in a place with restrictions such as a nursing home. They've always had their freedom and I think that cooping them up with people their age would act as a negative force on their health. I think I would move them in with me and my family, being around younger children (assuming I have kids) would bring them great joy and I think that would be the most beneficial for them. Hopefully I have the house and flexibility that allows myself to take care of them otherwise they're on a good benefit program so in home care would be a possibility for when I'm not around.
ReplyDeleteTo be completely honest, I haven't given this topic the slightest thought since both of my parents are in their early 50s. Even my grandparents are all still healthy, so we haven't had conversations about what we will do to help them when the time comes. Ideally, I'd like to live close and be able to stop over to help them with daily tasks. Like Anna, I'd love a separate living space that is on my property but still allows me to have my own house. I want to be able to spend time with my parents in their final stretch of life, which is why I'd be opposed to a nursing home. I think if they had conditions which requires round-the-clock care, and it was something that I really couldn't do, they'd be fine with a facility. My great-grandparents were in a nursing home and it worked out really well for them. However, I am the youngest child and probably will be the first to marry and have kids, so I think the responsibilities of caring for my parents will primary fall on one of my older siblings.
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough question for me because I don't know what the future is going to hold for me! My parents are in their mid 50's right now and they are able to still live together on their own. They do have some health issues, but it isn't too serious where it concerns me greatly. I do not know what my life will be like in 5-10 years for myself as I might be living on my own, with a significant other, live in an apartment or a home, if i have kids then or if I do, and if I do have kids I don't know how old they will be, how much income I will be making, etc.
ReplyDeleteWhen that time comes, and my parents are unable to fully take care of themselves, I don't necessarily agree with bringing them into a nursing home as I would want to spend as much time with them and my family as they can. That is what would make them happy, which would make me happy. I would want my kid(s) to be around their grandparents and learn from them and be there for them. I want them to grow a strong connection with them.
But, if they constantly need to be checked up on and and I was unable to provide them with their needs of being cared for, I wouldn't be too opposed with them being in a nursing home. I would want them to be close to my me and my family though, so we could visit them frequently and be there for them.
I hope that I will have flexible hours with work, be able to take care of them at my home so I can spend as much time with them as I can, and so they can develop a good relationship with my kid(s).
With this topic being talked about right now, I want to have a conversation with my parents and ask them what they think about nursing homes, and see what they have to say about living with me or my other siblings in the future when they are unable to fully take care of themselves.
I haven't really thought about this yet either, but I am surprised that I haven't considering the situation with my grandma living with us the last few months before she passed away. I would like to say that I would take my parents into my house, but it is not likely that I would ever live in North Dakota again. I think that my sister will continue to live there, so naturally, the transition for them to live with her would be a lot easier than trying to move them to wherever I am at. If things don't work out that way, I would be more than willing to care for them because I don't ever want to see them end up in a nursing home. If we could afford it, I think that they would benefit from living in an assisted living community, until they are needing more care than that. However, I have seen how stressful that has been for my mom to run back and forth from work, to our school, to our house, and then to my grandma's every day. Therefore, this decision would also depend on the stage of my own family and how independent my children are when my parents will need care taking. As far as cultural aspects go, there aren't any specific ones that come to mind besides the value that family is important and we should care for them however we are able to. It is hard to say what is the ideal living situation because I have no way of knowing when my parents would need care, or if one will pass away beforehand, or where I will be located at the time.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a difficult question to answer in your early 20's when I'm not sure what my life holds for me yet. My dad is actually going to retire this summer, after 20 years or so working as a deputy sheriff, and my mother is still in her early 40's and still working. My mom has had more health issues and I'm worried about how that will escalate over time. My partner's mother is unable to work and was just taken off of disability and I've thought a number of times that I wish I had a house where she could stay. I would never want my parents to stay in a nursing home, and ideally I would love to have an older home on a small piece of land when I am older so that if my coming by and helping them with what they need isn't enough, they can stay with me and still enjoy their freedom while also surrounded by family.
ReplyDeleteWith the event of my grandmother passing away from Alzheimer's a few years ago, this was actually a conversation my mother and I had. The disease is highly hereditary and it crosses my mind that my mother may someday show symptoms. Although it is heartbreaking to think about now, it is also important to have a plan in place. She told me that she will not blame me or question any decision I make when it comes to her care when she needs help. She told me that if I can't deal with the task of making her my primary subject of car, that whatever I chose to do is fine. It puts my mind at ease but at the same time I would never imagine putting her care in someone else's hands. I'm not claiming that I know what it will be like or that I will be able to do it on my own, but I do know I will do everything I do to care for BOTH of my parents. Luckily my sister is willing to help me however possible. It is hard to predict what will happen when faced with these decisions but I do know that, like now, I will think about everything one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough a question for me as well, however, because I know what I specifically want for my future. My parents live in Vietnam, while me and my sister are now in US and we both are not planning to come back and settle down in Vietnam in the foreseeable future. We definitely want to support our parents when they become older and less autonomous in their day to day life, yet if a great distance separates us, it will be quite hard to do anything beyond sending money and making calls -- I would really want to be physically present with them from time to time and I doubt they would be willing and feel comfortable to move to US at their age.
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough question for me and maybe something I should take into consideration. Since I have not spoken to my parents about this subject, I would first want to ask them what they would want me to do (top-to-bottom) when they can no longer take care of themselves. I would want to respect their wishes and try to my best to implement them when the time comes.
ReplyDeleteOne influence that is going to reflect what care would look-like for my parents is how my siblings and I would distribute care. I am the youngest of my six siblings and it is difficult to state what type of care everyone will contribute for them.
After the experience my parents went through of taking care of my grandma, my parents do not want to put us through it as well. My mom specifically said that she would much rather her and my dad go live in a nursing home than for us to take care of them. Culturally, it's natural for the next generation to take care of the old generation; however, now, it's common to see older parents in nursing homes. Personally, I wouldn't mind taking care of them because I always feel taking care of them when they are at an old age would be a way of repaying them for all the times they took care of me.
ReplyDeleteWhen my parents reach that age of dependancy and being taken care of I think that they will be in the best situation. This is because they have six children and all of us are very concerned and protective when it comes to our parents. I would be more then happy to raise my parents in future when they need my help to do so and so would the rest of my siblings. When it comes to a home care I feel that it would not be an option. Homecare in our culture (Somali culture) is highly discouraged because it's seen more as a western habit or culture. Every child in my culture should have the responsibility to care for their parents in their older age. I also may agree with you that this instant does bring families and granchildren closer to their grandparents just like it did to my family. As far as the faily structure goes, I do feel that the situation will change but not that much since me and my siblings kind of have the agreement that we will share equal respsonsiblity in taking care of our parents.
ReplyDelete