Consider this news item from a few years back:
Watching this, what are your thoughts? What are parents' motivations to be 'helicopter-ing' to their young adults? How might the child's own actions promote or discourse helicopter behavior? What societal factors reinforce or act to discourage parents' hovering and involvement in young adults' lives and decision-making?
Consider the other extreme. If children leave home at say 18, and go it alone, then what? Should parents be uninvolved for the most part; more on the receiving end of information and events? If we think about the scenario in the clip above, would you prefer that the young woman simply tell her parents when she gets a job?
I think that this is absolutely crazy to think about. I think that i've grown up in a way that encourages parent involvement but more from the advice standpoint. My parents are very involved in my life but after I turned 18, I was taught to grow up and handle things on my own. I think that parents are supposed to be your safety net, but they're not going to class with you, they're not going to your job interview, they only hear the child's side of the story so I don't think they should be involved in any way from the professional standpoint. Children who complain or make things seem unfair could reinforce their parents actions of helicoptering. Or if they're used to always doing things for their children such as making appointments, calling their coaches, etc than that could contribute to overindulging. Over indulging as children can make the child grow up to be so dependent that their parents have to handle everything for them as well. Societal factors I think that when you turn 18, you're considered to be an adult. You can make your own decisions, you can go out on your own which should discourage helicopter parenting. Parents can still be there but kids have to go out on their own eventually.
ReplyDeleteI think that parental invovlement is a great thing to an extent. Having that emotional support to fall back on when things don't go your way in life is a necessity. I've always been taught that life isn't fair, parents shouldn't have to go out of their way to make sure life is a cake walk for their child, thats overindulging them. I think keeping them up to date is important but they shouldn't be at all involved in the child's professional world. The girl could tell her parents about the job interviews and everything but there are so many resources out there to help with the resume, cover letter, etc that its pathetic that she can't branch out and learn to problem solve by herself in my opinion.
While parent involvement during college and the transition to adulthood is great, I think this example of helicopter parenting is way too extreme to be considered a healthy level of involvement. As the parents in this video said, they want to give their child what they didn't get. It might seem very easy to stay so attached to your child and continuing to be their full-time mentor during life's different stages, but I think there's definitely a point where they need to learn to let their child fend for themselves. The college senior in this example promoted her parents behavior, by maybe seeking too much advice. She seemed to enjoy being cottled and having that constant support. Societal factors such as companies who encourage parents in the work place support contribute to parents' abilities to helicopter when it is unnecessary. I like that there are opportunities to involve the whole family, but that makes it more like high school than real life. By doing this, we are pushing the age of independence and adulthood closer to our 30s. I think that once a child goes to college, having a parent to vent to and talk to about issues is fantastic. However I definitely think that is also the time that parents stop calling the school or workplace to discuss their child's performance. Attending interviews and negotiating salaries for their children prevents them from learning those skills for themselves for when they really need it.
ReplyDeleteAlexis really summed up parents involvement. To an extent, it is great and beneficial. But I do think that after a certain point, such as turning 18 or going to college, parents should be there only when you cannot succeed without them. Life is definitely about challenges and succeeding when you overcome struggles, which should be able to be experienced by yourself.
College is a big transition for many individuals, and college is when you gain your own independence and go through a new chapter in life. Parents who are constantly involving themselves in their child's life, will never learn how to make their own decisions and choices because their parents always make it for them. If the child is not sure how to make appointments for themselves, the parents should guide them on having them make their appointments and not do it for them. They are not learning a lot about responsibility, because the parents are doing everything for them. If the parents' kid needs someone to be there for them to help support them emotionally, then that is a great way to be apart of their life. In college, the students need to learn how to solve their problems, learn how to deal with obstacles they run into to make them into a stronger person, and figure out more about who they are as a person. A helicopter parent is not allowing them to do that as they are too involved in their schooling and activities. They are not benefiting their child in anyway. Especially at that age. They need to learn how to figure out how do things on their own, especially since they are turning into a young adult.
ReplyDeleteWhen turning 18 and moving on, the parents shouldn't be 100% uninvolved but they also do not need to be 100% involved. It's time to let their child grow as a person and learn what responsibilities are and gain a sense of who they are and what they want to be. If the child needs someone to talk to, that would be great for the parents to be involved then. I think the girl in the clip shouldn't have to have her parents do her resume, cover letter, etc because she isn't learning or gaining any skills or anything by her parents doing that for her. She can go to someone who is professional for guidance on how to start a resume and a cover letter so she can learn along the way what is appropriate and what is not appropriate to put onto the resume and cover letter to impress the companies that she wants to apply to.
My mouth kept dropping open in shock as I watched this video. I had no idea that parents were this involved even at our age. I always thought of helicopter parents of being parents of children under age 18. I kind of thought that college always cut the umbilical cord, so to speak. Apparently this is not the case. I think that parents are motivated to be so involved in their child's life because they think they are benefiting the child. They were not raised that way and think that to be successful parents that they need to stick by their child's side through everything. However, I think that parents are not the only problem here. The kids are part of the problem. They have grown up with their parents being right by their side, so they continue to immediately reach out to their parents even in adulthood. They do not know how to make these bid decisions on their own, because they have never had to. And unfortunately, I think that these issues are only going to get worse. People of my generation are overly invested in their child.
ReplyDeleteI am shocked parents are this involved in their child's lives. I just kept thinking holy crap, this can't be real. I never imagined helicopter parenting went this far, but I would assume they stay so involved to help their child and maintain the strong relationship they have with their child. While watching this video I thought to myself that it would be nice if my parents were even half as much involved as the young woman's was, but at the same time I know I need my space and independence. I need to make my own decisions and make my own mistakes, that's how we young adults learn and grow. Mommy and daddy cannot do everything for us. The companies are reinforcing this behavior by allowing parents to be apart of the hiring process and allowing them to call and complain about the work environment instead of the actual employee. I think its somewhat absurd companies are doing this and actually sending offer letters to parents.
ReplyDeleteIf a person leaves home and becomes independent its up to them to delegate information and how involved they want their parents to be. Personally when I left for college my parents basically lost contact it seemed. They never really called or visited, they said they were allowing me to be independent, which is not how I saw it and I definitely wouldn't recommend that tactic. Its nice to have your parents as support and someone to fall back on when something isn't going right. Parents most of the time give pretty great advice, doesn't mean they have to do things for you, but they can help steer you in a direction.
Watching this video, I think it is crazy and ridiculous that parents of colleged-age adults are being so involved in their children's lives. Parents who are this involved might think that they are helping the child be successful. Children can contribute to this if they are very dependent on their parents, and have not learned yet how to break away and be their own person. Societal factors both reinforce and go against the need for these types of parents. Once a person is 18, they are expected to move out and become independent of their parents. However, they are also expected to be successful on their own and not to fail, and the fear of failure can be a motivation for many of these parents to be so overbearing.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that parents should ever just expect the child to go at it alone after they turn 18, but they should be there supporting them as they make the transition. Parents should be there to help their children if they need it, but they should encourage them to do most things on their own. I think that parents should be more on the receiving end of things, because the children need to learn the necessary skills of searching for and obtaining a job on their own. However, I do think that parents can give advice on the best ways to approach different parts of the process. In the clip, I think it is insane that parents would do so much for their child to help her obtain a job after college. She should keep them informed on how everything is going, but they definitely shouldn't be doing everything for her, or she will never learn how to do it on her own.
I agree with a lot of comments that Lexy made and have similar opinions. But, in my own words:
ReplyDeleteI think that after children leave home (at 18) there still has to be some communication with at least one of the parents. I don’t think that parents should do certain tasks like scheduling appointments, going to interviews with them, etc. That is just bizarre and makes me want to ask the question to individuals that have “helicopter parents”, how much do your parents influence you? To what extent do they influence you to do things? What are the main areas that they influence you? And how much of your decisions are made by them? Because I think that if your parents dictate like what career to go for in school, what is the fun in that? That just seems boring and dull. Like your dad is a dentist and you happen to be a program for dentistry? If that makes you happy I am all for it, but I feel that you need to have time to discovery yourself, find your identity and try new things. You cannot have your parents dictate what you do after you move out. You need to have time to grow up and learn the challenges of life (outside of your hometown), because one day life is going to hit you and its gonna hurt and your parents wouldn’t be able to fix it. There is a funny/good quote that I heard watching my favorite show that kinda relates to this: “You know life is like a train. It's bearing down on you, and guess what? It's gonna hit you! So you can either start running when it's far off in the distance, or you can pull up a chair, crack open a beer, and just watch it come!” But on a serious note, I can try to understand how parents can become “helicopter parents”, but they need to understand they are “parents” and they need to always take under consideration what is best for you. They need to find the fine line of the amount of freedom to give to their child and the appropriate amount of demands and expectations for them... Because (here I go with the anecdotes) when all said and done, if you are too overprotective, how will your child act when they transition into adulthood? And if you aren't protective enough, how will that make you feel and look...
I have a friend who's parents were basically there for every step she took into adulthood. Of course it is good for parents to be at least a voice of reason when it comes to their children (adults) making life decisions. My parents were there for me, but only when I needed them to be. Even now if I have a question about a large purchase or a large decision I need to make, most of the time I will call my parents and ask them for their opinion. I know and they know that ultimately it will be my decision but I really value their thoughts and their opinion because both of their lives are ones I look up to and want to have similar values as they do. There are some things that my dad has just taken over instead of helping me to do myself, when it comes to my car and my finances. I appreciate his help but at the same time it makes me clueless when it comes to some things because he hasn't included me on them. This is my fear when it comes to those who have helicopter parents. Although I do not yet have children of my own I want them to be knowledgeable not only in school but in all other life domains. Helicopter parents take over their children's lives too much and don't allow them to make their own mistakes and find out things for themselves. If this doesn't happen they will be helpless and confused when they are on their own. It is also important for parents to let their children stand on their own while they (parents) are still around and so they have someone to fall back on.
ReplyDeletewhose*
DeleteI agree with everybody that overinvolved parenting is a very maladaptive approach when it comes to fostering autonomy and independence in the long run. It is natural for parents to be protective of their children, however as a person grows up parental involvement should be gradually restricted to mentoring and sharing wisdom, akin to scaffolding in a way, but with even less directives.
ReplyDeleteI see most consider the age of 18 as the point at which a person should start becoming an adult,i feel there is more variability to maturation -- there is really no consensus on when physical and mental maturation completes. 18 is more of a legal definition of the start of adulthood, so perhaps it is not always reasonable for parents to push their child out of the nest at 18 if he or she is not truly ready, but that doesn't mean they should be helicopter parents either.
I think some of what is missing with helicopter parents is the desire to actually fulfill their role as parents: to teach their child the skills they need to be independent. I know that parenting is not at all easy, but I think that some parents lose sight of this goal and start believing that they are there to protect their child from pain or "give their child everything that they did not have". For whatever reason, these parents are doing too much for their child, which will only hurt their child in the long run!
ReplyDeleteThe other thing that I was thinking about is that once these patterns in the parent-child relationship have been developed, I think it can be really hard to behave differently, both for the parent and for the child. My parents are by no means helicopter parents, but I do see how they sometimes fall into this pattern of doing things for their adult children that we should be able to do for ourselves. It just kind of becomes a pattern and is easy to continue doing, even long after we become adults.
I think the extent of these parents "helicopter" parenting is quite excessive. As someone who does receive help from his parents (e.g. paying for some of my school) I think this notion of involving parents into a business setting just isn't professional. I think that parents just want to absolute best for their children so they try to help them show their best colors. This could be the case even more so for parents who spoil their kids all the time and have created a sense of entitlement. I would think that people finding out my parents held my hand to get a job would be enough to deter me from getting them that involved because that would bring with it the presentation that I can't take care of myself.
ReplyDeleteOn the other end I think it's crazy for someone as young as 18 to be out on their own right away. Obviously it's been done and I think that's awesome but it would be an extremely challenging situation. I don't think parents should be uninvolved with their children but they shouldn't go out of their way to do absolutely everything for their child. In regards to the clip above, I can understand her excitement in calling her parents after an interview.
I don't think the young woman in the beginning of the video was that strange for keeping her parents in the loop of a big moment in her life when she gets her first post-graduate job. I am very against helicopter parenting though, and I believe that less involvement with age is a good thing so that kids can learn to be adults and how to experience heart break and challenges and get back on their feet. I think the level of involvement with a parent after the child leaves home is very dependent on what kind of relationship the parent and child had to begin with, and it should evolve naturally with closeness and support as well as space for the emerging adult to stand on their own two feet.
ReplyDeleteI feel that helicopter parents re just trying to wish the best for their children. It does seem that they are a little crazy and unable to cope with the change that is going on with their parents. From the clip I did feel that the parents were way to indulged with their child especially now that she is about to gradute. Helicopting shouldn't be acceptable when children reach the young adult age and that they are able to support themselves. I feel that the major motivation of helicopting parents is feeling ineffective to their children. They may feel that some undesirable traits and behavior that their children seem to have is because of them and not the exploration of their identity and self. They may also due it to make sure taht their children are safe and protected and they may feel that it's their eternal repsonsiblity to ensure and know were their children are and the situation that they are living in.
ReplyDeleteIn this video I think that the parents will still be contacting and communicating with their child even when she graduates and gets a job. This is becaus they are so used to helicopting over their child that they won't be able to change their parenting ways that easy.